What is Yoga 308

Life is a constant struggle of balancing our body on both a physical and emotional side. Through yoga I have learned several life lessons. Yoga 308 is a goal I set for myself to do at least 60 minutes of yoga for 6 days a week for the next year. I invite anyone to join me on this adventure as I blog about some of my daily experiences. This is not intended to show that I have found peace and tranquility, but rather give my honest feelings of my journey. Enjoy.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

Day 111 - Hills and Valleys

This morning I woke up and took an early hot class at Full Circle with Christine Northcote.  I wasn't quite awake this morning and my determination was quite there. It was a great way to start off the morning.  Some days I just like to get the yoga out of the way so I can chill the rest of the day.  This was one of them.

I was pretty nervous when I was feeling so good last night.  If you look back on my blogs where I have these mega highs they are pretty much followed by a mega crash.   It is almost like a kid who eats all his halloween candy in one day.  When I start feeling really good, my mind starts to tell me that I do not deserve this feeling.  That there are so many others in this world that work so much harder in life, they give so much more, or they are in so much more need then me.  I start to feel they deserve this type of happiness, and not me.  This is my addict brain still trying to beat me down even after 8 year of sobriety. 

This of course is bull shit.  I do not know how else to emphasis this.  We all deserve this mega high.  We all deserve this great feeling.  And guess what!  We all deserve the bad and crappy feelings too.  We need these hills and valleys.  We need a low point of our life to help us appreciate the high points.  This is human.  It doesn't matter if you live in a hut in Africa or a mansion in New York City.  We all have feelings, desires, and needs.  It is up to us to figure out how to handle this world.

Today, things have been different.  I am still on a bit of a high.  I still have a great outlook on life.  I am still excited for everything.  I am not trying to beat myself down.  I am very appreciative for the way I am handling life around me, and handling the life inside my mind.

I still feel like I am looking for something to focus on, and have found my mind trying to plan for the future again.  This seems to be a pattern where I start to not like where I am, or demand more out of myself.   It is a pattern I am pretty much over, and I do not want to do it any more.  I have ventured into that valley way too many times.  Time for a new one.  The more I stop and just say things like I appreciate where I am, or I know I am heading in the right direction, this frustration fades. 

It is amazing how complicated I can make things inside my own head.  Living is all about hills and valleys.  I am on top of my giant hill right now screaming out to the world.   I feel like I have just kicked into headstand for the first time and nothing is going to knock me down, but my own mind.  I feel in great balance.  I can stay in this headstand as long as I want to.

If you haven't yet I would love to hear from you.  Thank you for everyone that has continued to email me and leaving me comments.

No comments:

Post a Comment