What is Yoga 308
Life is a constant struggle of balancing our body on both a physical and emotional side. Through yoga I have learned several life lessons. Yoga 308 is a goal I set for myself to do at least 60 minutes of yoga for 6 days a week for the next year. I invite anyone to join me on this adventure as I blog about some of my daily experiences. This is not intended to show that I have found peace and tranquility, but rather give my honest feelings of my journey. Enjoy.
Sunday, March 31, 2013
Tuesday I am leaving to a yoga retreat out on the island Koh Samui in Thailand. I am first stopping in Tokyo for 2 nights before continuing on to Thailand. I am really excited for this experience. I have been to both Tokyo and Thailand before, but this is my first solo trip in a long time. That is what makes it even more exciting to me.
I am not going to Thailand thinking there is going to be some outstanding yoga practice that will change my life. Yoga is the same most of everywhere. The place I am going to teaches one of my favorite styles of yoga, Ashtanga. The primary series is done the same no matter where you are at. I am more excited for the people I will meet out there, the beaches to relax on, and the temples to go visit. My goal in my yoga practice is to find a gentler part of me. I want to not push myself and chill out. This is a great opportunity for me to relax.
Travel is a giant part of my life. I am however not trying to say that you need to travel to become a great yogi. Yoga can be done in your own home. The benefits will be the same no matter where you do it. Vacation is a great time to relax, yoga is a great time to relax. I just decided to combine the two.
Several people have asked me how I have found the time to travel. My business partner and I started our own company 11 years ago with the thought that we would have the freedom to travel the world. We wanted to see the world. Through hard work and determination (and not letting people stop us) we have taken our dreams and built them into reality. This was what I wanted to do in the world so I made it a part of my life. Before my company I had a great job and could had lived a very content life. I took a chance and together with my business partner we made things work.
I have quite a few trips planned this year and I will be blogging throughout all of them. If my blog does not appear during the next 3 weeks it is probably because I do not have internet access.
Saturday, March 30, 2013
I have come to accept a lot of things that are a part of me. On top of that I am also accepting others for who they are. I feel like my life has been very positive. I have always looked for the positive aspects in other people. I believed for a long time that people want peace, people want harmony, and people want to find love in their heart. We live our life developing our own code of ethics. Frustrations creep into our life when we feel like other people are not following our same codes. I have gotten really frustrated in my life because I do not understand how some people's ethics can lead them towards what I assume is both our ideas of peace, harmony, and love.
Our world is filled with men and women who cheat, abuse others, steal, manipulate, and use others to get what they want. My greatest fear in my life has been turning into this person. This fear controlled my life. I spent a lot of my time doing things to prove that I was not this type of person. I was in relationships where my role was to prove to her that I was a good guy. I was not accepting that I was a good person who actually believes in his code of ethics and follows them. The other half was I was with someone that did not see these good qualities in me. We all have our faults, but I will not become the man I fear because I am not that man.
My true frustrations with other people are tied to my fears of these people. I would love for everyone to believe in my same code of ethics, but I have accepted that this is not everyone's path. We all have different beliefs and ways to find our idea of peace, love, and harmony. I have grown to accept that everyone is living their life the best they know how. We are not better and we are not worst then each other. We are all learning and changing with each other. Our code of ethics change and we continue on down our path. Our true beliefs stick with us. We become the people we strive to become.
We all have the ability to become who we want to become. How much time do you concentrate on living your code and how much time do you spend telling others how to live their life. What are your code of ethics and are you following yours? Let's all start there. Leave a comment or send an email.
Friday, March 29, 2013
Today I went to a Yin class with Kristen Schneider at Full Circle Yoga. It really put me in a nice zone. I really enjoyed the class today. It may have been the good feelings I have had all week, but again I just feel like myself. I haven't been in a magical crazy happy mood or a sad mood. I have just been myself.
A lot of things came up during class today. It was a lot of memories that were tied from my past. Random thoughts from high school. Moments that seem to have been frozen in time seemed to thaw and enter back into my brain (or maybe they were exiting my brain). I thought afterwards how good it was to be able to visit the past again. I look at my past as my path to my present. There is no other way that I would have gotten to this peaceful feeling I have tonight without everything that happened to me in the past (good or bad). I am coming at peace with this fact. I am forgiving myself and accepting who I am more and more each day.
I needed to play high school football to give me the determination to push me through my life. I had to go to college to figure out that I was an analytical engineer as well as an artist. I had to quit my job and travel to Europe to learn that I work to live and not live to work. The path continues on through sobriety, divorce, moving, traveling, ect. The path made it's way all the way up to this moment. Now the path is wide open. So many choices in which direction to take my life
I can sit and worry about which path I need to take or sit and complain or praise my past, or I can live. Living in the moment gives notice that memories may come up or worries of the future. I can stop and notice them and then move on. The now does not get sucked into the future or into the past. The now is always around. The now is where I find the most peace.
Now I need to go to bed.
Thursday, March 28, 2013
Today I went to Dharma Level 3 class with Kelly Senn at Orlando Power Yoga. During my meditations I have been focusing on how I feel. I sit there and think "OK how do I feel." I typically concentrate on an area. I look at the stomach, head, and lately the heart. I keep trying to find some strong mystical feeling inside there. As if there is going to be a giant out pour of energy escape, and I feel a magical release. I think this is often something that people think is yoga. That we will all live in a constant peace and levitate around the world.
I constantly am striving so hard to find this emotional state of bliss. I am going through life thinking I will find an answer to it all. I love getting into the philosophies of life and looking for some sort of growing pattern. I am beginning to see all of this, not as a growing pattern, but rather as a changing pattern. My life has and always will continue to change.
Today I had the best feeling inside my heart. I felt my heart beating. I look so hard for the answers sometimes I forget the magic that is already going on inside of me. We are these magical machines that work day in and day out yet we strive to find the lands of dragons and fairies. We look to forget who we are and try to become something else. We become shaped by the environment in front of us.
I feel like yoga, this blog, and the people I love have helped change me into who I have always been. I think a part of me had forgotten. The other part I think I am just starting to embrace. Hearing my own heart beat was a reminder that I am here, I am me, and I have a past and a future. I feel like I am here.
Yoga is a place where you can find 90 minutes of peace, but that peace has to be found inside your heart. If you sit in silence with only you, and you are not at peace, yoga will show you that. If you fight through this. If you accept the darkness as well as the light. You will be able to accept you in both the darkness and the light. There is no life without both darkness and light. All of our hearts beat during both these moments. Listen to your heart beat. Now that is magical.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
I feel like I have been doing a lot of focus in breaking old habits. I have been experimenting with a lot of things. One has been Meatless March. I had agreed to myself that I would not eat chicken or meat during the month of May. I have accomplished what I was looking for. There is a big part of me that says I only cut out chicken and meat. Technically I should not be eating eggs or fish. Instead of giving me props for doing what I set out for I like to find ways to be more demanding on myself. Like I should not feel proud for not eating beef or chicken for a whole month. My mind is very demanding. I am over this though. I am over the mind's shoulds and should not dos.
One thing I did notice was I ate fish and chips at the bowling alley last night. I have not been eating a lot of fried foods lately. This meal did havoc on my digestive system. I have been asked if I feel more healthy for eating less meat and chicken. I am not doing this for health reasons nor do I feel this outstanding breakthrough in feeling more powerful or healthy. I do however feel worst when I start trying to eat foods that are bad for me like fried food.
I am becoming more and more accepting of who I am in this moment. I have ultimate goals and ideas, but I first need to stay OK in the moment. Be happy with where we all are. Enjoy the life and smell in the clean air.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Today I made it back to Orlando Power Yoga for a little of one of my favorites Dharma level 2 class with Kelly Senn. It is always a great class for me.
I have been running around all day and started this blog really late. I am pretty much just checking
in tonight. I am feeling good, living in the now, and feeling like myself.
I will leave you with one of my favorite Yoda quotes. " You must unlearn what you have learned." Dissect your life and decide the emotions, feelings, and pattern that are holding you back. Unlearn these and keep learning new lessons that will guide you to a healthy lifestyle for yourself.
Have a wonderful day, night, or whatever moment you are currently in.
Monday, March 25, 2013
Aura Reading done in Sedona
Today I went to Full Circle yoga for a Flow 1 class with Christine Northcote. I have been feeling like myself lately. I have felt really good today. I appreciate Full Circle, Orlando Power Yoga, and my yoga instructors. Maybe the Bikram classes were a reminder of how much I appreciate these people and other studios in my life.
I talked a bit yesterday about dropping the "shoulds" in our lives. I really did feel in the moment all day today. I felt like I was doing exactly what I should be doing. I felt a whole today. I am not saying I had a dramatic breakthrough, but I will take a day like this. I feel really good. I "should" live in the moment more often.
Life is full of challenges and wonders. There are so many things we can do in this life. I feel like our society places so much importance on finding happiness if we find the right person, get the right job, make more money, travel to far off lands, or become someone new. These are some of my "should's". These keep me out of the moment. The truth is I have the right people in my life I have the right job, I make the right amount of money, I travel to far off lands, and I become someone new every day. This has nothing to do with my happiness.
Happiness is a state of living in the moment. Happiness is not a constant state. It comes and and it goes. I can be happy with my job one day and hate it the next. I can feel stressed out about my income versus my spending or I can feel content with what I have. I am looking to be more content with who I am and accept everything that is in my life. Life will continue to bring me happiness, sadness, excitement, anger, and all the emotions we feel as humans. My plan is to keep content throughout all of this and no all these emotions will come and go.
In reality I live a GREAT life. I "should" not worry about anything. The hard thing is for me to admit that I do have these feelings sometimes. I could easily act like I am happy 100% of the time, but this is not what I want to do in my blog. I want to give my honest emotions.
Enjoy your day.
Sunday, March 24, 2013
"Should" is such a large part of my vocabulary and mind set. I should not travel as much. I should root and settle down. I should find a new partner and have kids. I should have a 9-5 office job. I should pay more attention to my family. I should spend more time with my dog. I should eat healthier. I should paint more. I should do more yoga. I should do less yoga. I should not write this many "should's" that I am using as an example in this blog.
What if the word "should" never existed? What if there just was. It is honestly an impossible thought for me to imagine. Not only is it stuck in my head, but I hear it constantly from other people. Friends and family suggesting how I should live my life. I ask for the suggestions just as much as I like to give these suggestions.
Just think though if the word was not there. What if words like should, need, or want were never thought of. Where would we be? Would we have a drive to do anything? Or is the drive we have from these shoulds, needs, and wants even necessary?
There are the basic shoulds. We should eat, sleep, and urinate. After that what are the thing we really should do? We should buy a home, get a job, go to college, get a car, have a child, paint a picture, drink coffee, exercise. The more we look into the things we worry about the more I realize it is pointless.
We are a nation of worries. The start of these worries are these words. A life without these words is my idea of a true inner peace. The truth of accepting who I am, where I am, what I have done, and where I am going.
We can start dropping these words in yoga. Ideas of "I should be in this pose, I want to be better at this posture, or I need to work harder. When we accept where we are in the pose we start practicing accepting who you are.
We "should" all start doing this :)
Saturday, March 23, 2013
I ended up doing yoga at home before taking the pup to the vet. Today's practice consisted of 15 minutes of a warm up and more stregth poses (handstands, forearm balance, side crow ect.) I then settled into 15 minutes of meditation where I focused on what I was feeling in my heart. I then changed it up to another 15 minutes of seated postures and finishing postures (shoulder stand, headstand). I ended the hour with another 15 minutes of meditation.
I have been picking and choosing things I like from other practices. I have been using them to experiment with the postures and breath work that feel right for me in that moment. I started to think about all the different instructors I have had over the last 8 months. Each is special in their own ways. Most all of the instructors seem to teach us what they personally have accomplished or are going through. For instance, if I were an instructor I would probably choose the Ashtanga series to teach. It is where I have found the most growth and the most peaceful state of mind. I would love to show everyone how this can be for them too. In reality my life lacks structure. It lacks organization, and routine. This is what I really would be teaching to the world.
However, yoga is completely different for each individual.
I watch instructors stress dicipline in their practice. This is how they found their inner peace. I have seen instructors stressing to be gentle to your body, push your body, become a pretzel, chant, sit in silence, find comfort in discomfort, or smile. There are so many things that an instructor can push. The ones they are pushing are probably the same thing they are trying to push inside their own mind. You can find a connection with your instructor through comfort, understanding, or compassion. You start to realize that this might be a path to help you become closer with yourself. The truth is it is their path. You will need to use their lessons and find your own path. There are many guides in this world. Some are good and some seem bad. Good or bad they are all what got us here today ready to figure out the next steps in our life.
At some point we all need to stop following someone elses path and realize we need to continue on our own.
Thank you to all my teachers, instructors, and guides. Not just in the yoga community, but with my family, friends, and strangers in the is world.
Go out and thank someone today.
Friday, March 22, 2013
I have found that the owner of the yoga studios give it the overall light and luster. Bikram has such a tight grip on all these studios that it comes across very militant. There is no room for flexibility in the system, and I thought one of the main points of yoga is to become more flexible in the body, mind, and spirit. Bikram make me feel like I am joining a cult. That if I was to think outside the box I would be shot.
Some people need to have this much structure in their lives, but today it is not for me. I am a person who has always colored outside the lines. I do like the structured classes like Ashtanga or Dharma, but these have a lighter side to them. They make more sense to me, and I gravitate more to them.
There is a part of me that feels like I should keep trying Bikram. That maybe I am missing something. The bigger part of my life lately is saying "there are no should's, just feelings." My feeling is to diversify my yoga practice. Learn from each place I go.
So I am using Bikram as a learning teacher. Today it has taught me that I do not have to find the joy in everything in this life. There are somethings that I will not enjoy. I can still do Bikram yoga, I just choose to spend my time somewhere else.
Thursday, March 21, 2013
I have always advised people who are first getting into yoga to go to a few different studios and try a few different types of yoga. There are so many different types out there. Some yoga may not fit your personality. I honestly went into Bikram knowing I had hated it before. I was worried I would still hate Bikram.
What I remember most about Bikram from 8 years ago was it was really hot. I over came this at Orlando Power yoga. Now I prefer the hot yoga classes.
I honestly had a pretty good time this morning. It was a new fresh place. There were a couple weird things. I noticed when I walked in that everyone was laying in corpse pose, but everyone's feet were pointing in the opposite direction. There were also a few different approaches with the postures such as bending your knees in some postures to make sure your head touches your leg.
Bikram was a yoga that was out of my norm. I think it is always a good thing to get out of the norm. The Bikram postures are not my favorite. There are a lot that seem like they might mess up my knee. I will be going to a few more of these Bikram classes and see where it leads me.
Try something new today. Or try something you did not like years ago, but might think differently now. Leave me a comment or send me an email about these adventures.
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
I think we are vuberable as humans. I see so many people in the yoga community that wants to believe in something so bad. They want to be guided to the light. We all have seemed to come to yoga for some reason. Many of us leave yoga with a new refreshed feeling. We feel good, happy, and relaxed. Let's not forget who made us feel this way. It is ultimatly our own mind, our own body, and our own soul that feels this.
I believe there are great instructors, teacher, and gurus in this world. The greats are great not because of what they say, but rather what they do. When I met Dharmi Mittra I was in awe of his presence. I felt like this was yoga in front of me. Someone who has been working on his practice for 50 years, and has taught thousands of students. I respect and admire this man. He is however human.
In the past I have been burned with looking for someone else for happiness. There are many ways to externalize our happiness. We can try to make someone else happy in hopes of this bringing happiness. We can follow someone, relying that they are the reason for our happiness. We can tell others how to find happiness, thinking we are indeed happier then everyone else. Happiness is not found in or through someone else. It is only found within your own heart. This is where we need to start.
Being in the presence of someone else might make you happy, but once that person leaves where does that happiness go? If we rely on our instructor or our teacher to find our happiness what happens when he / she is not there. If we are an instructor or guru who builds our happiness around guiding others toward their happiness we are also fooling ourselves. Happiness is shared with others, filled with others, but not dependent on others.
I thank all my instructors, guides, and guru's in this world. They are just that. They are not my happiness. I am my happiness.
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Above is the basic yoga squat. Your heels are meant to touch the ground. Mine are pretty far from the ground. I hate this posture because I am not good at it. This is a posture I often do not do. I ignore it. I would rather do things that I am good at.
One of my instructors has given me a way to work on getting my heels down. I have my mat rolled up behind me in the picture. I am supposed to squat down on the mat to slowly allow my heels down to the mat. He was saying I could get my heels down if I did it every day for 6 - 8 weeks. Today I decided to take on this challenge. I will do this posture everyday, and let you know what happens.
I do not want to ignore my faults. I do want to work on improving my faults. Do not ignore the little things. These are the core of yourself. I will get my heels on the floor.
Monday, March 18, 2013
Tonight I decided to take my practice back in the home. I hadn't done this since I have gotten back from Colorado. I am finding this to be a real important part of my practice. The more yoga I learn and practice, the more I start to figure out the type of practice that is right for me. It may change daily, but I am feeling the postures that feel good for me in that moment.
Class is a great place to feel the energy of the yoga community around you, feel the vibrations of chanting, and be taught proper alignment for your postures. I am seeing some drawbacks of constantly going to a studio and not practicing in your my home. Besides the costs of studios, there are a few other things.
First, yoga instructors are guides. There is a point where I have gotten sick of listening to yoga instructors. Not because I am not learning from them, but rather I sometimes need to dive deeper into my soul, but find them to interrupt with their peaceful talking or lessons of life. There are days when I need instructors to guide me into meditation, and then there are days when I need to dive deep into meditation. This type of meditation I have been able to do a lot better on my own.
Second, a studio can be filled with distractions (so can your home). The person next to you who you want to go that deep into the posture. The music that you do not want to hear. The subsitute teacher you did not expect. The foul oder coming from the person next to you. Your home of course has the fridge, the telephone, the dog licking your face, people knocking on your door, ect. They are two different distractions. I think it is better to learn to overcome both of these. These are all life lessons.
Third, you have no one to blame, but yourself. Ultimatly, yoga is your practice. You have the abilibty to sit and breathe, push yourself and do 90 minutes of handstands, or lay in savasana the entier practice. This is your life. You choose how to live it. Practicing at home gives you the freedom to do as you please
I think it is very important to go to studios, but I am also going to work more on "my" practice. I think a good balance is in need. How do you practice at home? Send me an email or leave a comment.
Sunday, March 17, 2013
I have noticed last weekend during the Max Strom workshop that I had extremely deep breath. It was a cleansing feeling over the weekend. I feel so much came out of me. I felt like I was getting rid of emotions.
This week my life was over whelming with scattered emotions. My head was restless and I noticed my breath was shallow and not constant. I do not think that I could get the deep breath method that I had in the workshop simply because my emotions were in control.
I began to witness the connection between emotions and breath. It was almost as if the emotions filled my lungs rather then air. When we are in a stable state and breathing "normal" we are probably in control of our emotions. Deep breaths are cleaning out the emotions and shallow breaths are being controlled by our emotions.
If we can increase our lung capacity and allow deeper breaths on a more regular basis I believe that we would become more in tune with our emotions and a much calmer human being. I am sure there is a lot of study on this subject. I felt it and believe it.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
Inversions, balance poses, and postures like forearm balance are great places to come face to face with fear. I actually asked the question "How do you get over the fear of getting into a certain posture." As these words left my mouth I realized that there would not be an answer. How does one overcome fear? You just do.
Fear and me being scared in life has been on my mind this week. The sure way of staying fearful of something is to ignore it. You have to confront it. You have to do it. This is the only true way. I think there are probably a lot of psychological classes I can take that would help me overcome my fear of falling over in scorpion pose. The truth is though is I just need to practice doing it. First with baby steps. Trying to pick up one leg then a second, building strength in my core, and then practice every day. Eventually the fear will either go away or come back in a new form.
I do not want to hide from my fears. I do not want to sit and feel sorry about myself. I do not want to hide inside my house eating pizza everyday. I want to confront my fears. I want to take them on. Fear is a great aspect in life, but overcoming is one of the best feelings in life.
Today is a good day to face our fears.
On a side note, I am excited to tell you that I have been following a Meatless March diet. I have not eaten any Meat or Chicken over the last 17 days and expect to continue over the remainder of the month.
Friday, March 15, 2013
During the class I was laying on the ground with my arm's spread out. I felt like I was trying to hug the world. I feel like my mind sometimes think it is my responsiblitly to actually do this. As if I am responsible for the rest of the world. I want to see people happy. The truth is I can only hug the person in front of me, and I am not very good at that. The other thing I can hug is myself, and I am probably even worst at that. I am very good at hugging my dog (he doesn't like it though). My mind is asking me to hug the world when I cannot even hug myself.
I have realized this week that I have a giant blockage in the area of love. I am trying my best to get past this. I realize the love blockage has a lot to do to the lack of self love in my heart. I might be a little better at giving love, but am not really comfortable with the feeling of receiving it.
In middle school they used to call me "Mr Sunshine". I was a positive bubble of energy and always smiling. "No matter what, Danny always seems to have a smile." The world was my oyster. Life was filled with fun opportunity.
I would guess high school things started to find a funk. There was this little voice telling me I needed to be better. I wasn't good enough for her. If I work harder I would find happiness. Demands started to enter my brain through negative internal comments.
Drinking and drugs amplified this. I wouldn't date anyone because no one could love a guy that drank or smoked pot. How could I bring home a girl to my family that does ecstasy. God, drugs screw up your life. There is no clarity in it. NONE. I wish people could see this.
I think back in my marriage I did not have much of a voice. My opinion, if asked was pretty much downplayed or would turn into an argument. I got to the point where I found it better to just agree with my x-wife then to put up a pointless fight. Her voice needed to be heard. My internal voice who was already use to beating myself up decided my opinions didn't matter either so it would be better to shut off then to start an argument.
I look at my business and watch people debate over things. I have also grown tired of trying to get my point across in a lot of these areas. When we get down to most the decisions, it really just does not matter. It has been 11 years of these decision makings, and I really haven't felt a need to voice my opinion and get my way.
I feel like suppressing my feelings has become a big habit of mine. To the point where I suppress positive feelings too. "Oh god, what if someone thinks I love her? Then she will have these expectations on me...Then she will downplay who I am. OK I just will keep it to myself."
Our journey's always have a starting point. When we find a flaw we can ignore it, hide it, start to fight it, or blog about it to the whole world.
I can't even hug myself.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Picture from the 108 Spring Equinox yesterday
Today I went to yoga at Orlando Power Yoga with Steve Rubin.
Life is a constant challenge. I realize this more and more every day. It is hard to decifer lately what is my fear and what is reality. I felt like the Max Strom workshop brought out a lot of emotions for me, and I was left with the complete realization of who I actually am. I do not think I liked some of the things I saw.
There are things that I am really scared of due to my past. I have found that I have been distant in letting in and expressing love. I am very demanding and forceful on myself. I feel as if I should be over things, I should be complete, I should be a peaceful being, I should be loving, I should be this great being. I am over the "should's" that I feel from society. Ultimately I am the one that puts these "should's" on myself.
I realize that this week I let my fears take over my reality. Instead of shifting towards allowing love or expressing it I pushed it to the opposite extreme. I am trying to follow some of my old habits and distance myself from everything and hide. I am letting my fears win.
I have been trying to combat this fear by turning towards honesty this week. So much has come up for me that it has made me an emotional mess. I have been healing nicely over the last few years, but I realize I am still broken. I am tired of feeling broken, and this is where my impatience and demands start to surface. I have loving and supportive people in my life, but for some reason I do not want them around. I feel like I should be able to figure out life on my own.
The truth is we are all connected in some way. This is how we learn about ourselves, is through the connections of others and the universe. We learn how to shield ourselves from immense pain, but we first need to experience that pain. Shields are locks we constantly need to figure out how to knock down. I am starting to see that talking to or even being around others are the answers to knocking down these shields. First we need to acknowledge that we have these shields. Next, we need to be honest with ourselves and others about the shields. Then we start to knock these down. There is a lot for me to think about these days.
We are made to have love flowing in and out of heart.
Getting my brain mapped by my friend Alex Sanchez at Central Florida BioFeedback
Tonight I am writing pretty late. The Internet is currently down. So hopefully this will post later. Tonight I went to a donation class to benefit school kids who do not have common things like soap, shampoo, or toothpaste. Beth Stone put on the event which she called 108 Spring Equinox. It was a sequence of 108 sun salutations. It was a very challenging event. We did about 6 to 12 of a type of sun salutation, and then continued on to a different type.
The last few days I have been at a big time emotional low. It is because of personal issue. The one thing I did notice is that talking helps out a lot. Talking truthfully and honestly.
There was also a big part of me that wanted to hide and crawl into a hole. I used to do this quite a bit, but I feel one of the best things to do for depression is get up and do something. In today’s case it was this yoga class.
Way time for bed.
Tuesday, March 12, 2013
I am sad.
Monday, March 11, 2013
Tonight I went to Ashtanga Yoga with Steve Rubin at Full Circle yoga. I found a gentler side in my practice tonight. I actually felt like I was going deeper into my postures the more gentle I became. I was not trying to force anything, but rather just being and feeling.
Yesterday was a workshop that was supposed to unlock negative emotions. I do not know if mine came a day late, but I had a lot of emotions flow up today. My system feels purged.
I had a conversation yesterday about happiness and the Max Strom workshop. During the workshop we were asked to define happiness. He joked that happiness was when you no longer need to go to workshops seeking happiness. I laughed, but it also got me thinking. Am I going to yoga, workshops, and self help because I am not happy? Is there a point where I reach where I no longer need to dive deeper inside of me.
My gut tells me that I will have this inward journey for the rest of my life. That happiness is just a part of the journey. It did get me thinking though. I defined happiness as the ability to truly be me in the moment.
I am extremely drained and honestly unhappy at the moment.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
Max Strom guided us through about 1 1/2 hours of slow deep breathing yoga. Afterwards we did 10 minutes of om chanting followed by a negative emotional release chant (pretty much a breath in word form). In the past I have chanted and felt vibrations in my lips and in my forehead. The longer I did it the more intense it seemed to be. Today I felt vibrations in my lips, forehead, stomach, shoulders, and neck. Dharma Mittra told me that you are supposed to feel a cleansing vibration of energy going from the sacrum all the way up and out the head. Again, I became more of a believer on this subject today.
I also noticed that my chest was not feeling much of anything or any vibrations. I have been told over the last 3 months that I have a lot of locks in my heart. I have taken a lot of these words with a grain of salt in the past, but am now starting to see more of the connections. Of course I am holding things in my heart. Of course I have shields around my chest area, and of course this is going to block my energy flow. The main difference is...Today I could feel the blocks.
How do I feel I can fix this and unlock my heart and chest area? I feel as if I already am. Yoga, the chanting today, and the inward journey I am continuing in my life. I am on an adventure to feel love, passion, and celebrate where I am. 2011 destroyed my emotional self, and I put up some temporary barriers. Inside those barriers my heart, love, and trust have grown and evolved into a much more powerful entity from before. I feel these emotions are what eventually will knock down these barriers all together. The more I look to celebrate life and who I am, the more I look to find compassion in all living things, and the more I look to find similarities in people rather then differences. These are areas where my heart will continue to grow and the barriers will fall.
Today is a good day to celebrate!
Saturday, March 9, 2013
Today Max Strom talked about something I had touched on awhile ago. He brought more science to the subject though. He was expressing how we lock certain emotions in certain areas. For instance, fear can be found in the stomach. Thus we have sayings such as "I have butterfly's in my stomach." Or love is locked in the heart. Thus, "She broke my heart." We have all had these feelings where we can actually physically feel them in our body or organs. The thing is these feelings inside our body can actually get locked in there. Have you ever been doing some form of exercise and some emotion just comes out from left field? These are locked emotions.
One of the great things about yoga is the ability to unlock these locked emotions and let them go. We have the ability through our postures and breath to go deep inside both our body and our mind. We find the connection between the body and mind. A healthy mind and body allows emotions to flow through. Yoga can help keep these emotions flowing through.
My journey with yoga has had many twists, turns, and emotions (both stuck and unstuck). Like life, yoga is an ever changing process. I am striving to keep an ongoing process to grow into a healthier being. Returning to Steamboat Springs helped me let go of some of the things I have been holding onto. I feel like I am now at a place where I am learning how to celebrate and appreciate the things I have in life. As I said yesterday we often forget the little things that can make us so happy. I have a lot of things that I want to do, or I can look back at all the great things I have done. The best thing I can do though is live in the moment and love and appreciate what is in front of me.
My laptop I am writing on, my rocking chair I am sitting in, the wind chime I am hearing, and the wind that is blowing. My dog napping at my feet (he should get triple mention), the garden I just built, the home over my head, the food in my belly, the knowledge of my loving friends and family. The feeling of peace and tranquility after a yoga class. This is my reality and this is in front of me and my now. This is what I need to celebrate. This is pure and true love.
Today I start to celebrate.
Friday, March 8, 2013
Tonight started a 3 day workshop with Max Strom. Max Strom brings yoga back to the basics. Concentrating and teaching people how to breathe. Tonight's workshop was Better Sleep. It was yoga poses that helped out our sleeping pattern, along with behaviors and eating patterns that will help out with our sleep. It was really good to get back to the breath again.
There are so many different types of personality types in this world. So many different people, and we are all growing, digressing, and ever changing. Every morning we get out of bed for some reason. We wake with the knowledge of life as we know it, on that day. Typically, we do not wake and question why we do what we do. At some point we stop asking the question why and just get into the mold. We wake up to eat breakfast, go to work, eat lunch, come home, walk the dog, eat dinner, watch the tv, and go to bed. We wake the next morning and do it all over again.
For most of us excitement hits on the weekend. We have time to do either "what we want to do" or "what we need to do". For most of us there is a constant go go go. We keep doing what we think is the right thing to do. We never stop.
What if it all stopped. What if today was the day the earth decided to stop rotating around the sun. It shot off into space and that's the end.
We keep going and going never stopping to enjoy the simple and magical aspects of life. A seed planted in dirt that some how gets the proper water and nutrients to break open and grow into a plant that eventually grows into a vegetable that supplies us with food. Every second our heart beating, allowing so many complex things to happen inside our body. We take life for granted.
We think that life is about making money, reproducing, praising god, partying, becoming popular, buying that new car, convincing others to follow our path. I have found the one true answer. Enjoy what is in front of us, Enjoy what we have, and enjoy what the universe has presented to you. Find the happiness in the things that are right in front of you right now. Right now in this moment. Stop needing, stop wanting, stop the quick fixes.
Break the mold and realize we all have an end.
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Today my house is clean!!! I realize how much balance is good for us. If my house is dirty and cluttered my life becomes all about how I really need to clean the house. It is always on my mind. If I become a neat freak I always think about how dirt might be entering my house and I become neurotic about defending my house from becoming dirty. My mind is always obsessed with making sure I clean the house. It is days like today when the house has been cleaned that I feel the balance. I do not have to worry about anything regarding making the house dirty or clean.
Our mind is always at a constant struggle of balance. Like the clean house it can be filled with dirt that occasionally will be needed to be cleaned out. If you continue to allow dirt to enter your mind and it fills up you are in constant struggle on figuring out ways to clean and settle the mind. If your mind is always clean you can become obsessed with keeping anything harmful or dirty from entering your mind. You need to find that simple balance. That area where your mind just feels clean. Keep up with the constant struggle of keeping this balance. Occasionally clean the mind through things like yoga, mediation, exercise, eating healthy, or therapy. Avoid adding dirt like drinking, drugs, drama, no exercise, or obsessive working. Do not fear, a little dirt in your brain is natural, but if you have a lot of dirt get rid of it. If you keep digging more and more dirt into your brain, STOP. You are often the cause of the dirt and drama you put in your life. Take control.
Keep up on cleaning your house.
Wednesday, March 6, 2013
I am in Orlando. There are just a lot of pictures from Sedona :)
I took the day off today because of the upcoming workshop this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. It actually feels weird not doing yoga today. I feel like I want to, but we all need days off. It also feels good to have the day free to do other things.
I have been hearing a lot of venting in the past month. I have noticed that venting seems to be past on from person to person. There needs to be a stop on the vent somehow. Venting is important. If something bad happens, you definitely need to learn to vent off some of the steam that comes along with it. I swear that there are people addicted to venting though. They become more of a steam engine then a slow steamer. I think we need to start noticing more on who and how we are venting.
I have noticed lately that there seems to be an on going venting process that is building up inside the yoga community here. The students vent amongst each other and the venting rolls onto the instructors. I have seen instructors start to vent back to the students. They do not mean it, it just comes out indirectly. It seems to be an ongoing circle that grows.
We can only teach what we know. I see many instructors teach some of the lessons that they are currently going through. Instructors need to realize there is always a growing process with everyone including them. If they continue to grow, do yoga, and meditate they can find peace in their heart. If they look at yoga as a place to gain more opportunity to add things into their classes they get stuck. When instructors get stuck the venting process starts to happen.
We all need to be careful of how we vent and where we vent. Keep the venting outside the yoga studio.
I just need to vent a bit :)
Tuesday, March 5, 2013
As 2013 continues on, I am noticing how in the past I would take other people's problems and turn them into my problems. I have tried to make people comfortable in their lives by taking things off of their plates and trying to give them some peace and quiet.
People rely on other people, but there is a fine line between asking for help and taking advantage of someone. I realize the older I get that there have been a lot of people who have taken me and my lifestyle for granted. I used to look for "broken" people who I could help out. Help show them a "good" life. I would try to take care of this person. Show them that there is good in this world. I would stop my own growth in order to help these people. The more I helped the less responsible they became for their lives and the more responsible I became for their lives. Eventually I am left trying to fix their issues they never confront, and my issues seem to disappear. My lack of growth is eventually what makes me feel as if I am being taken advantage of. It really is my own fault though.
I recently had a conversation about how I used to do this in order to find compassion for all living beings. The issue I was having was I was neglecting me as one of the living beings. ALL living beings include me. I realize that love and compassion for myself must be found before I can find love and compassion for the rest of the living beings on earth.
We all need to be responsible for ourselves, and learn how to stay responsible for ourselves. I am no longer here to "fix" people or be responsible for another adult. I have developed an eye for irresponsible people, and I no longer want them in my life. I am not saying they won't be in my life, but rather saying they will not control my life. I have WAY too many things that I want to do in this world. At the same time I am not looking for someone else to take care of my responsibilities. I am responsible for me.
I have also developed a good way to give back to this world. I will not share what I do (as this is my giving that I will keep for myself). I do want to ask that you take a moment out of each one of your days to find how you can give to this world. Do not do it to make you look better or feel better, but rather give because that is what you want to do deep in your heart. Try it for one week. See how you change.
Monday, March 4, 2013
I was thinking the other day about how our society likes to say things like "I eat this because it is healthier for me." I was trying to figure out the point in our lives where it was acceptable to say this rather then "I eat healthy." Why do we put ourselves (me included) in a space where we eat or live unhealthy lifestyles. Why do we learn that it is ok to live unhealthy lifestyles. Where did this come from. I want a Mcdonalds cheeseburger because it is easy, it tastes good, and it's in my face. At one point I starting saying I should not eat this crap. I should live healthyer. I should stop drinking, I should stop smoking weed, I should exercise more. We all say these things. Why don't we all just live a healthy life?
I have been on a giant strive to get to a healthy lifestyle on both a physical and mental level. I think this is a lifetime practice. It is something that does not happened over night. We need to evolve into healthy beings both physically and mentally. We need to learn that instant gratification is not the answer to happiness. Getting to this healthy lifestyle will take a lot of work. Our thoughts will evolve over time into a healthy one as long as we make daily strives towards these healthy life. We need to accept that we are human and we make mistakes, but we can always strive towards what you know is healthy. Realize that what you think is healthy may not actually be healthy. Be the change and start today.
Sunday, March 3, 2013
After class I was able to talk direct to that person and allow some of the weight to be lifted off my shoulders.
I am a firm believer that if there is a dispute between two people that the only way it will get resolved is if those two people talk. There is no need for a third party. This was a hard concept for me to figure out in my life. In many ways other people try to resolve the conflict, but you cannot rely on others to speak for you. You never get to the true source of the problem. I also believe that if you are continuously trying to build a relationship with someone and you are the only one trying...It might be time to use that energy towards someone that will help you grow in your life.
Saturday, March 2, 2013
Today I went back to Orlando Power Yoga for what we referred to as The Triple Threat 2.0. This is the second time we did this. The triple threat is where you take three yoga classes back to back to back. Someone asked me in class why we were doing it, and I really did not have a good answer for her. The question stuck in my head though.
I started to think of what the point is to pushing ourselves to a breaking point. I started to think of the body and mind connection. I then started to think of a puppy who has been locked up in a house all day while you were at work. When you get home the puppy is so excited to see you. He jumps, bites, runs around in circles. He is filled with anxiety, excitement, and all these joyful emotions. At this point the puppy probably has a hard time listening to you. If you take the puppy out for a walk and give him the exercise he starts to calm down. He begins to become alert to what you are saying. If you take him out for 5 hours. He becomes exhausted he eventually just wants to sleep.
I have found a relationship between pushing myself to my limit in yoga. It seems that when I do push my body my mind starts to calm down. My mind begins a class anxious and excited like the puppy. As I continue to go through the yoga postures it begins to stop over thinking and focuses rather on the breath and postures. It thinks less and I can start to fall into meditation or sleep much easier. There is a limit though. I think part of doing three classes in a row is looking to see where that limit is. Looking to see where my mind connects with my body. Looking to see where I can find calmness and stillness while still pushing myself.
The second and I think bigger part is community. I realized when I was in Colorado how important this yoga community is to me in Florida There were about 14 of us who went through the triple threat. We all were doing this together, we were all moving together, and we were all breathing together. The second class had about 70 people in it. It is great to listen to an ohm chant with that many people.
I was not tired after the triple threat. I actually felt really good. Life is good today.
Friday, March 1, 2013
I went to Yin Yoga at Full Circle Yoga with Kristen Schneider. I am pretty sore from yesterday’s class and always look forward to a yin class. The last few weeks I have been pretty gentle on my body. It has given me an opportunity to dive deeper into the mental part of yoga. I think overall the mental part is the real reason I enjoy yoga. I remember one of the first times I left a yoga class and how good I felt. Now I have that feeling 6 days a week. I feel like the more and more I go to yoga the less I am disrupted by life. The things that were once disturbing are now easier to handle. I feel like I can make it through much of anything in life.
I think life gives you a set of cards and ultimately it is you that needs to learn how to deal with them. A person with a giant company, good health, and lots of money can find just as much stress as someone who has no money, no food, or no shelter. Stressed out people are found in all areas. People with kids, people with nothing, people with a farm, people with a mansion. We are the ones that choose to carry this stress in our life. We are the ones that choose how to deal with our outside circumstances. We either take on our daily challenges or let our challenges control us. We either sit in an undisturbed peaceful bliss or we allow the world to beat us down. Some of us seek stress (and we do not even know it).
The people that are starving or need shelter have obvious stress. The ones that stress about loosing everything and can no longer able to eat or have shelter are the beginning of the meaningless stress. After that we really have ourselves to blame on our stress level. We start building it up. “What if my truck breaks down and there is no way to get to work. Then I get fired from my job, and I can’t find a new job. I blow through my savings, have to sell my belongings, and then have no money for my house. I sell my house and then have no money for food.”
Where does this stress level end. Better yet, where does it start. It seems the more and more we put on our plate, the more and more we build our mines to worry and stress.
The people that are starving and homeless are most likely not reading this blog. I am talking to you today. YOU are in control of your stress level. YOU are in control of what it is you want to worry about. Drop the nonsense and make more room for love, joy, and giving in your heart.
Tonight I am looking into unneeded stress. Tonight I am dropping another unneeded stress in my life.