Picture from the 108 Spring Equinox yesterday
Today I went to yoga at Orlando Power Yoga with Steve Rubin.
Life is a constant challenge. I realize this more and more every day. It is hard to decifer lately what is my fear and what is reality. I felt like the Max Strom workshop brought out a lot of emotions for me, and I was left with the complete realization of who I actually am. I do not think I liked some of the things I saw.
There are things that I am really scared of due to my past. I have found that I have been distant in letting in and expressing love. I am very demanding and forceful on myself. I feel as if I should be over things, I should be complete, I should be a peaceful being, I should be loving, I should be this great being. I am over the "should's" that I feel from society. Ultimately I am the one that puts these "should's" on myself.
I realize that this week I let my fears take over my reality. Instead of shifting towards allowing love or expressing it I pushed it to the opposite extreme. I am trying to follow some of my old habits and distance myself from everything and hide. I am letting my fears win.
I have been trying to combat this fear by turning towards honesty this week. So much has come up for me that it has made me an emotional mess. I have been healing nicely over the last few years, but I realize I am still broken. I am tired of feeling broken, and this is where my impatience and demands start to surface. I have loving and supportive people in my life, but for some reason I do not want them around. I feel like I should be able to figure out life on my own.
The truth is we are all connected in some way. This is how we learn about ourselves, is through the connections of others and the universe. We learn how to shield ourselves from immense pain, but we first need to experience that pain. Shields are locks we constantly need to figure out how to knock down. I am starting to see that talking to or even being around others are the answers to knocking down these shields. First we need to acknowledge that we have these shields. Next, we need to be honest with ourselves and others about the shields. Then we start to knock these down. There is a lot for me to think about these days.
We are made to have love flowing in and out of heart.
Getting my brain mapped by my friend Alex Sanchez at Central Florida BioFeedback