This morning I again woke up in Thailand and participated in the 7:30 meditation followed by a 8:00 Mysore class. The yogis who gets into higher level postures were again practicing next to me. Yesterday I talked a lot about staying humble and not creating levels between people. Writing this helped me realize that my ego is stopping me from finding the gentle side of my yoga practice. There have been a good amount of people here that have gotten injured. Why? A lot of the reason is they are pushing themselves. They have yet to find the gentle side inside of them.
Instead of accepting who and where I am, I am pushing myself to the next level. The excitement level is real high for me here. I am being corrected by my instructors who I then want to show I am respecing their instructions. I want to show that I am doing a good job. When they are next to me watching me I want to show that I can do the posture correctly. Meanwhile I am practicing next to people who can get into asanas I dream of doing. So this makes my mind put a higher demand on my body. My mind says I can do better, while my body wants to get a massage.
Instead of just being in the moment and being who I am, I stress out my muscles and shake. I bend further then I can in a forward bend, I start to shake, and start to loose my proper posture. I start to have a sloppy practice to try to push where I want to go. A sloppy practice will lead to injury. I beleive the best way is to practice these asanas with correct techniques even if it means you do not look like a yoga bad ass.
I am pretty sure I have been failing with staying gentle here in Thailand. I am relaxing outside of my morning practice. I am being a humble person, but I am letting my ego demand I do better. Loosing the ego that I NEED to be in the higher levels of yoga is my first real step to becoming a true yogi. It is amazing how our minds work the same on the mat as they do off the mat.
Tonight is the last day for about 40 people who are in the workshop group here at the Samahita yoga retreat. I met a lot of good people, a lot of new friends I hope to see on another retreat someday. Tomorrow a new group of people come in.
One last fun fact. I managed to leave my wallet in the taxi. I lost my ATM, credit card, drivers license, and some cash. I should have no problem getting home, but it definitely puts a nice challenge and twist to a relaxing retreat.