What is Yoga 308

Life is a constant struggle of balancing our body on both a physical and emotional side. Through yoga I have learned several life lessons. Yoga 308 is a goal I set for myself to do at least 60 minutes of yoga for 6 days a week for the next year. I invite anyone to join me on this adventure as I blog about some of my daily experiences. This is not intended to show that I have found peace and tranquility, but rather give my honest feelings of my journey. Enjoy.

Friday, May 31, 2013

Day 300 - Become empty and be filled with something greater

I hit day 300!!!!  Only 65 more days left.  That is pretty exciting for me.

I went to Full Circle Yoga for a nice relaxing yin yoga class with Kristen Schneider.  Lately I feel like yin yoga is the key to putting me back to my center.  If you haven't tried this type of yoga, give it a try.  If you are stuck in your yoga practice it helps slow things down and put things back into perspective.  I have said this before, but I often feel a slight drunk feeling as I leave a yin yoga class.  We refer to it as being "yoga drunk".

I had to mention the quote above.  The first time I read it, of course I thought of being charitable and giving my time to others in need.  If I spend my time trying to help others, if I gave away all of my time, then I would become empty and ready to fill myself with more charitable work.  This is the healthy way to live life.

I then thought about the times in my life that I gave up pieces of me in order to make a relationship work.  My marriage for example was very unhealthy where I was emotionally abused to the point where I eventually became completely empty.  Looking back, it was these dark times that helped me become the person I am today.  I am happy to be out of the marriage, but I am also even more happy to have now been filled with something greater.  Life can have some pretty painful events, but these events are what help us grow and can become something greater.

I do not wish pain upon me or anyone, but when it does happen (it happens to all of us) keep in mind that these events can be the beginning to something greater for you in your life.  It is up to us to figure out healthy ways to fill up our empty spots and begin to learn to give ourselves again.

Thursday, May 30, 2013

Day 299 - Stop evolving into a complicated being

Today I went back to the yoga studios.  I went to Full circle to take a hot flow class with Kristen Schneider.   I loved her class today.  If you live in Orlando and are looking for a fun class, go find Kristen.  It was a great way to jump back into the yoga environment.

I am still in the mindset of dissecting my life and getting down to the real important things of life.  Yesterday I talked on how the breath is the most important aspect in yoga both on and off the mat.

Today I was watching a squirrel run up and down the tree.  I started to think about evolution and how the squirrel may have eventually evolved into a monkey (I love monkeys).  I have always thought that organisms have evolved into something else and we are the top of the evolutionary ladder.  I have always thought that we were the ones that control the outcome of this universe.  I never really thought past that.

I started to think about the fact that the further down the evolutionary chain the less complicated a life there is to be lived.  A fish for instance just needs to eat, swim, and survive. It does not worry if their car is going to run our of gas or if they can afford their mortgage.  However, a gorilla cares for its young, develops dominance skills, and catches colds.  On the other side of the chain, the microorganisms  just really feed off something and split apart.

There are days that I wish it was all that simple.  Can life be that simple?  We are the ones that complicate our lives.  We are the ones that wake up and decide we need to worry about making money to pay the bills, take care of someone else, or complain about others behaviors.  Why do we do this.  Like I said at the beginning of this blog, I am looking to get down to the important things in life.  I am running out of time for the unnecessary drama of life.

It's time we focus on our breath.

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

Day 298 - The breath is where it all begins

There are times when it feels so good to do my own thing.  Bringing yoga into my home allows me to do just that.  There is a small part of me that makes me feel as if I am half assing my practice, the other part starts to tell me I need to regroup, center, and rest my body.  As I sat on my mat and started to breath today I started to think about "what is yoga?"  I have looked into this question a few times during yoga308.

I have pushed myself to my limits.  I have continued to push myself into the next posture.  At one point I have said I really need to stop pushing myself.  I stopped and found my gentle side.  Throughout all of these feelings was my breath. 

I have had my mind completely engulf my body.  I have calmed it down to a state of bliss.  Throughou all my thought processes was my breath.

I have been through every emotion in yoga.  Angry, sad, happy, nervous, joyous, these have all passed through my body during my practice.  Throughout all my emotions was my breath.

I have pushed through pain, injury, and other hinders during my practice.  Throughout everything I overcame was my breath.

The deeper and deeper I get into my practice, the more and more I realize the most important thing in yoga is the breath.  The most important thing in all of our lives is our breath.  Throughout everything we do in life.  If we makes a lot money, become broke, make money again, meet a loved one, loose a loved one, find another loved one, throughout it all we need to breathe.  Eat, drink, sleep, cry, smile, find peace, get mad, throughout it all we need to breathe.

Breath is the place where we start to find our true answers about ourselves.  When we get down to the basics the breath is where is all begins.

Tuesday, May 28, 2013

Day 297 - Orion turned 10 today

My boy turned 10 today.  Marianne threw him a pool party with so many tennis balls he didn't know what to do.  Orion is my boy.  He has been through so much in life with me over the last 10 years.  Love my old man!!!  Happy birthday Orion.

I continued with practicing yoga at home.  I am still getting over jet lag so I enjoyed taking it easy.  I am still centering and relaxing.  It is a time to reflect and look inside.  It feels really good.

We all need to take on the responsibility of all of our actions.  I have been talking to a lot of people lately listening to how they have broken up with someone or going through a divorce.  Have you ever noticed that the person going through the divorce is always innocent.  It's always the other person that is the a-hole.  I have heard the person in the other party called a narcissist so many times.

Breakups are tough.  We often blame the other person because god forbid we were at fault.  These breakups are changes allowing us to look at what we did wrong, who we truly are, and who we want to be.  If the person was truly an a-hole, why were we with them?   So many people go to playing the victim, and concentrate on how awful the other person is.  They concentrate so much on the other person they never stop and reflect on themselves.  They roll right into another relationship and make the same mistakes over and over again.

All relationship take two people.  Stop and ask yourself what your part of the downfall of the relationship you played part in.

Life is good.  Life is relaxing.  I am keeping my lifestyle going this way.

Happy Birthday Orion!

Monday, May 27, 2013

Day 296 - Relax and Re-energize

It feels good to be back in my home with my dog.  Today I felt drained from traveling all day yesterday.  The trip to Spain was a lot of fun, but also a lot of running around.  I needed to find my center again.  I decided to do a nice relaxing and meditative yoga practice at home today.  I have been around people for the last 10 days so it was nice to practice alone. 

I feel like I have a clean slate today.  There is a lot of things that I want to plan and do in the future.  I am using this week to stabilize and find some things that I want to accomplish this summer.  I guess it is my time to make some plans and goals.

I am in a real chill mood today, and I am going to go and enjoy the rest of relaxing Memorial day.

Sunday, May 26, 2013

Day 295 - Back from Spain

I have just gotten home from Spain.  I took the day off to travel.  I have been awake for the last 24 hours minus maybe an hour sleep on the plane.  I love to travel, but some things fall out of my control.  Today I did get agitated.  I swear that Marianne and I were cursed by the airport gods this past week, 

We thought we were going to get stuck in Madrid as we were told the flight had been overbooked and were put on standby.  I actually got steamed.  We were conversing that we were being tested, and we failed the test.  I feel that emotions are going to come out of us regardless of how much we pretend not to feel them.  What I am finding more intereting is the triggers behind my emotions, and how long do they linger.  If I have anxiety from something is it only for a few moments or does it linger on for days or weeks?

My goal is to see these emotions come up whether they are good or bad, notice them, and allow them to flow through me without lingering.

I have also been noticing the emotional triggers that have been giving me cravings for coffee.  I did not drink one coffee in Spain nor for the last 3 weeks.  When I gave up alcohol I saw similar patterns.  I do not even feel the need for coffee, it is more of a habit or something that fulfills my desire, but there are also times when I am sitting down and I FEEL like a nice cup of coffee.

If we look more into the FEEL of the nice cup of coffee we can start unfolding what it is that is driving us there in the first place.  Is it true sluggish feelings, or is it because we just never understood life without coffee.  I noticed on this trip that when I sit down and relax, I FEEL like a coffee.  Is it because I need a jolt because I am actually feeling calm.  Why can't I just stay in this calm feeling?  Why do I need a pick me up if I am really trying to find peace and calm in my life?

Just something to think about.  I am finally off to bed.

Saturday, May 25, 2013

Day 294 - Embrace your fears and take a chance

Hola, from a hammock at Molino Del Rey in Spain.  Today I was rolling out of bed very slowly.  I really did not want to get up, and wanted to sleep in.  2 classes a day, plus running around Spain has made me feel really drained.  Luckily, we are taking it easy on our last day here.  We finished up our last morning class with a lot of handstand and core work.

If you have neve taken a class with Missy White do so.  You learn a lot about balances you never thought you could get in.  She pushes you through your fear which I am finding is one of the biggest obsticles in my yoga practice.  Right now one of my fears is falling over during forearm balance.  I feel as if I will break into two if I fall down.  I also know that if I do not continue to practice I am giving in to this fear.

Start to think of all the things off the mat where fear dictates our life.  Maybe we have a fear of disappointing someone.  Saying the wrong thing and making someone upset.  Not giving our children enough attention.  Being selfish.  Working too much.  Not doing the right thing.  Not following our correct path.  Being with the wrong person, place, or thought.  There are so many avenues where fear can take over our lives.

The older we get the more fear starts to control our lives.  Fear is due to experiences.  We fear loosing love because we know how it feels to loose love.  The more we are not loved, the bigger the scars we form, and the harder it is to overcome our fear of not being or finding love.  The more fears we face the less fears there are to take over our lives.  The more times we accept our falls and pain as part of our learning and growing the more we can embrace our fears and continue to take these chances.

Fear not, and stay true to yourself.

Friday, May 24, 2013

Day 293 - Do now allow frustration to rule your world

I have been fortunate enough to be running around Spain for over a week now.  Today we started off the morning with yoga before going back to Ronda and a little bit of cave and waterfall exploring.  There was no evening class today so that gave me more time to explore and reflect.

I was thinking of limitations today.  There are a lot of things in yoga that limit me from going on to the next posture.  For instance my hamstrings are super tight.  These are my current limitations I have.  I am forced to accept these limitations or go into a world of frustration or being the victim.  My current limitations do not mean that they will always be my limitations.  I accept where I am in the moment, but also strive and work towards overcoming these limitations. 

Our lives and our goals off the mat are often put into frustration.  If we accept who we are in this moment we take away the frustration, and we allow ourselves to learn patience.  We can continue to stay on our path and not fall into the grips of thinking everything is fulfilled with instant gratification. 

Surround yourself with similar personalities, people who strive to be healthy both physically and emotionally.  Take responsibility for your own actions.  Do not play the victim for your limitations.  Take hold of who you are and do not blame others for you not completing your goals.  Strive everyday towards your goal and do not allow frustration to rule your world.  Allow mistakes, and keep the acceptance in your heart. 

Back on the mat, I accept that my hamstrings are tight.  I accept that tomorrow they will still be tight.  I accept that there may never be a day that I have loose hamstrings.  I will continue to  work everyday striving on loosing my hamstrings.

If you are having a bad day today, accept that the bad day is just a day to keep you on your path.  Continue to strive towards your goal, and do not allow frustration to rule your world.

Thursday, May 23, 2013

Day 292 - In Spain and Life is good

Life is good.  It is so weird how we often forget this.  It is easy to remember this when you are relaxing or on vacation. Eventually, the busy times of life hit us again or the negativity's of life destroys our souls, we once again forget the goodness that is in all of our lives.

I have had a few comments that I am lucky to live my life or I get the question "How do you get to travel so much."  Life is what you want it to be.  Every avenue takes on a different challenge.  We are taught that if we do not go to school, we cannot make money, and we will not be able to provide for ourselves or our family.  There is nothing wrong with this avenue.  I followed this avenue.

I know that one of my main passions in life is to see the world.  Being here in Spain, I realize I have so much more to see.  I have a lot more to learn from so many more people in life.  I feel like I have had this passion to travel  since 1999.  I feel like when I got sober my thoughts started to switch to, "I should settle down, I should get married, and I should have babies."  I did that, and fortunatly enough for me the marriage did not work out, and I did not produce kids.  Now I am all set to focus on me and my goals again, and I am doing everything I wanted to do.  Once I got back on my path and started to do my thing and traveling again, I met someone with the same interest, and now we have been both been on a similar path working towards similar things.  Like I said...Life is good.

So to answer the question,  "How do I get to travel so much."  It's because I want to, it's because I can,  it's because I do.  I have gone to over 20 countries and I feel like I am just at the beginning of my new adventure.  I am extremely grateful to all the opportunities that have presented themselves to me, but I also am taking credit for the fact that I grasp on to the opportunities that are there to guide me on my current path.

If you have something that you have always wanted to do, start looking at those opportunities that are smacking you in the face telling you to take a chance.  Do not use the excuses in your life, just take the chance.  We all have excuses, kids, money, family, loneliness, fear, ect.  STOP.  take the chance, and start manifesting ways to do your dream.  Listen to these dreams and not your excuses.  We live so much of our lives with excuses. 

Life is good.

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

Day 291 - Visiting the Anchient town of Ronda

Today we started off our morning with a yoga class.  I have been pretty tired and my muscles have been worked doing yoga two times a day.  These classes have really helped me in building a lot of core strength and with my balancing postures.  Missy has given me a lot to work towards.

After yoga we traveled into the city of Ronda.  I love these type of European towns that are filled with history.  There are so many stories here and so many great architecture structures you can get lost in the city for hours.  I feel very grateful to be out here and see these sites with such great people.

We saw a bull arena, the amazing bridge shown above, a couple churches, and a anchient bath house.  Living in Orlando, we have nothing like this in our town.  It would be like going to visit Disney World 250 years from now.  

I have a lot of respect for tradition and history.  I love these types of things in life.  Our society seems to throw tradtion out the window and goes to the latest newest thing in life.  This is one reason why I love Ashtanga yoga.  It has years of history to back it up.

We returned back from Ronda and did a lighter yoga class.  It was about 45 minutes of a flow class., followed by 45 minutes of yoga nidra.  Yoga nidra is a meditation process.  I have not done a lot of it, but within 10 minutes I was knocked out.  I opened my eyes and everyone was sitting up getting ready to leave the class.  I must be exhausted.  Which remeinds me, I really need to go to bed.

Good Night.

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

Day 290 - Be with the emotions in the now

I am quite sore today here at Molino Del Rey.  Two yoga classes plus hiking yesterday can bring a bit of soreness to the body.  It was good that we had a yoga class this morning to help stretch some of the stiffness out.  It is still rainy and cold here this morning.  It is a perfect day to sit, reflect, and blog about yoga :)

I have started to reach further inside today.  Missy pointed out that I needed to open up my heart and chest area.  If you read my past blogs there are countless times that I have written about the chest being a blocking point for me.  We did some new openings today, which brought up some anger that apparently I have still been holding onto.  It was great to see this anger come up inside of me and just as quickly let it go.  I did not let this anger control my mind.  I did not try to figure out why I was still angry.  I just said I did not need it, and let it go.

When emotions come up. We are the ones that decide to hold on to them or let them go.  If you have a moment that caused discomfort or anger maybe we lock them up because we do not understand them or are not ready to deal with them.  At some point though this emotion will come back up in our mind again.  Maybe the emotion is exactly the same magnitude, but maybe you have changed and grown stronger.  Maybe you are now ready to easily confront this emotion and say goodbye to it.  Maybe you just are not ready to deal with this emotion and you lock it back up to deal with it later.

Just remember each emotion you lock inside yourself will have to come back up sooner or later.  Whether it is happy or sad, joyous or angry, locking these emotions will cause locks from getting to your true self. 

Ask yourself what is aiding you to store these emotions.  Alcohol for instance is a great way to forget about how you currently feel.  It masks your current emotion.  So if you are depressed you can suddenly have this mood swing and cause happiness.  But the "real you" is actually depressed.  You are just storing this for a later time.  Caffeine is also a stimulant.  You can feel tired and lazy, but you store this emotion because you "need" to feel energized and excited.   Even sleeping aids.  You should feel sleepy, but in reality you are wound or can't feel sleepy.  This is often due to stored emotions and other connections like alcohol or caffeine.  You more then likely are not dealing with your current state, thus your stored emotions are coming up when you lay down to try to sleep.  You take the sleep aid to make you feel sleepy.

I have been an emotional storer for sometime.  I feel like I am reversing this process and focusing on just letting my emotions happen as they come up.  Dealing with them in the now causes less to deal with in the future.  I still feel these happy and joyous emotions from my past as well as the sad and angry emotions.  My goal is to live in the now.  One of my big steps will be to let go of all these stored emotions and continue to face the ones that come up in the future.

I think yoga has helped me in both releasing, excepting, and being with my emotions.

Monday, May 20, 2013

Day 289 - Day 2 - Molino Del Rey

After a great sleep, we woke up to a very cold morning here in Molino Del Rey.  We were all thinking we were going to lay out by the pool and soak in some sun, but it is actually pretty chilly here.  We started our yoga at 8:00.  Missy White is leading this retreat and it was a great flow that made us all warm again.

We went hiking around the area.  It was a nice walk through the country side.  We had a dog companion who showed us the road to waterfalls and a really cool cave.  It was fun just running around and seeing the orange orchards, gardens, flowers, herbs, and houses.

During class Missy asked us to visualize a white piece of paper.  She asked us to write something on this piece of paper and make this our intention for the week.  My piece of paper was blank which I thought was a perfect intention.  Often my life is filled with trying to change things, tryting to make things better, or improve upon my faults.  I have been working on just being.  This would fall hand in hand with no intentions or a blank piece of paper.  I kind of like thinking of everything as a blank slate.  We can live every moment as if the past never happened.  We can live without fear or worry towards the future.  Every moment is exactly where you are supposed to be.

We did a second class at 4:45.  This was more of a workshop class.  We made a wish list on things we wanted to work on.  Mine was handstand.  I felt like Missy gives me a good direction on where to take my yoga practice.  These workshop classes are going to be very beneficial. 

I feel like I am in a very good place right now.  As if I was supposed to be here for some unknown reason.  I like that feeling.

Sunday, May 19, 2013

Day 288 - Day 1 - Molino del Rey

We have made it to Malaga, Spain for our retreat.   The yoga retreat is located at Molino del Rey.  It is a beautiful resort with a yoga room build right into a cave system.  The cave has a unique sense of energy that made me feel real grounded.  I was able to sit in the cave for a brief moment to sense a new kind of silence.  Outside water is flowing as river systems flow through the resort, but down in the cave it is silent.  I am excited to be here.

I also sneaked off and did a quick Mysore class in the yoga room by myself.  It was a great way to start off the retreat.   There is a total of 12 of us here.  For the next 6 days we will be doing yoga together.  Very exciting!!!

I am very cut on time today as I only slept 3 hours last night due to jet lag.  I also needed to get work done and then enjoy myself here at the retreat.  I hope to have more time to write tomorrow. 

Saturday, May 18, 2013

Day 287 - Do not prejudge the uplifiting of this positive feeling.

It is day 2 here in Madrid.  We slept hard and all woke up at noon.  Really kind of crazy on the jet lag, but all 6 of us slept in with no complaints.  I am really enjoying my time here in Madrid.  It really is a beautiful and unique city.  I talked yesterday how there was a weird bad energy following me yesterday.  I also said it lifted and has gone on.  It was a great day filled with a lot more friendly people.  The sun was peaking in and out, and it made for a great stroll around the city.  We walked to several plaza's the giant Cathedral de Santa Maria. The street had such an old history to it.  It radiated with so many stories. 

If I was to have left Madrid yesterday I would have had a feeling that the people were truly negative, but this is a given situation where you always need to give situations a second chance.  Never go off a first impression.  If I was to judge everything off of today, I would have said that everyone is so friendly here, happy, and full of life.  How many times do we do this in our lives?  How many times do we prejudge someone or something without giving them a single chance let alone a second chance.

We did get back to the hotel at 8 where a mob of people were outside the hotel again (it was now twice as large as last night).  They were celebrating the win of a soccer match.  I have not seen or felt this giant swarm of energy ever in my life.  It was really impressive.  I wondered about how I thought yesterday's crowd brought about a shift from negative to positive energy.  I wondered if the crowd now double in size meant an even  larger uplifting of positiveness.  I am always looking for signs.  Was this one?

Later tonight I managed to squeeze in a quick yoga session.  I feel like relaxing my muscles and mind, and felt like this mini session is getting me prepared for my yoga retreat.

Tomorrow we leave to Malaga which is on the south side of Spain.

Friday, May 17, 2013

Day 286 - Good Vibes coming my way

Tonight I am writing to you from Madrid.  There is a massive celebration going on outside the hotel right now for the last soccer match in Madrid.  After getting into Spain at 7:00 am.  We all went to the hotel and were able to check in early.  We have two days of sightseeing here before heading down south for the yoga retreat.  None of us slept on the plane so we slept until 3:00 in the afternoon.  Then we went off for some of the local sites and an awesome Flamenco show.  I did somehow manage to do some yoga (really just stretching in some postures), in between all of this.

There has been a weird shift of energy that happened on this trip.  It is an outside source.  All my friends have a really positive vibe, but it seems like the world is trying to knock us down right now.  I finally got frustrated with a lack of sleep and food tonight.  It did not faze me long.  I feel like the energy has shifted again.  That the outside negativity is still there, but not able to phase me and moving on.

The more I travel the more I see how the United States tries to strike worry and fear into us.  I have seen this the last few time when I had to deal with the airlines inside the USA.  I am normally under control, but this one got to me.  Marianne and I were told that we were not able to be ticketed a plane ticket because we did not have a print out of the hotel reservation where we were staying in Spain.  They told us it was a new regulation in Spain not something American Airlines was not in control of.  Not even proof on the Iphone would be accepted.  This of course is an insane idea.  When we arrived in Spain it was by far the easiest customs I have gone through in my life.  The only thing we needed was our passports (nothing else).  This was the beginning of little tasks like this that people were testing me to get here in Spain. 

I feel a giant shift in energy though.  As probably over 10,000 people cheer outside our hotel window I can feel good positive vibes coming into my life.

Enjoy the negative people in life.  They make our positive lives that much better.

Thursday, May 16, 2013

Day 285 - quick blog

Greetings from New York.  I am waiting on my plane to Spain.  I am taking today off from yoga (mainly because I loose about a day flying on the plane.  I am blogging from my phone (so sorry for more grammar mistakes then usual).  I am excited to be with Marianne and a large group of yogis heading out to a yoga retreat.  Should be a lot of fun

Stay tuned!!!!

Day 284 - Packing it all in.

Wow.  What a busy day.  I was swamped at work today, and needed to pack and take care of a lot of last minute preparations.  I leave tomorrow for a yoga retreat in Spain with Missy White.  This retreat consists of a group of 13 people.  Most of us know each other from Costa Rica and was put together by White Bird Retreats.  These retreats have introduced me to so many great people.  It will be nice and fun to travel with this group again.

In this hectic day I did find an hour to sit down and do some yin like yoga.  It was pretty easy going, and I tried to concentrate on muscles that tighten up during plane rides.  I wasn't really internally focused during yoga tonight, but just let it go and just harnessed the good feeling of stretching in postures that felt right to me.  It really became more of a stretching session more then anything.

It will be hard to fit yoga in the next few days.  We will be traveling and roaming around Madrid before heading to the yoga retreat on Sunday.

I will keep you posted.

Tuesday, May 14, 2013

Day 283 - What is healthy

I was this close to throwing in the towel on this blog today.  I am at a boiling point where I feel like this blog is not good for my ego or my yoga.  If I am truly taking a look inside myself, why express it to the whole world to see.  I am telling myself that there is more to learn from this experience.  There is a reason why I am doing this.  There is more to this.

I did a gentle yoga session at home tonight.  It has been awhile since I have taken it easy and sit still and meditate.  It was a much needed check in with me.

I thought where I was one year ago.  Life was coming out of a deep hole last year.  This time last year I wrote out my last check to my already remarried with child x-wife.  This end was my true beginning of my new life. 

One year later, I feel like I am in a really healthy space.  I have been looking to build a better life for myself and continue to look into healthier ways of living.  Not that I am close to this point, but I am wondering where the stopping point is.  Should I just live everyday looking to live a better life?  Is there a resting point? 

What is the definition of healthy?  When does one become healthy?  My definition is someone who is balanced in their mind, body, and soul.  Someone who is not thrown emotionally out of place from the outside world.  Someone who makes an effort to take care of their body's muscles, organs, and bones.  Someone who uses their healthy mind and healthy body to connect with the greater cause.  What is the greater cause?  That is for you to find out.

I feel healthy.

Monday, May 13, 2013

Day 281 - Still Content

Today I went to Full Circle yoga for a Flow Class with Christine Northcote. 

I still have been having a really hard time writing this blog.  I feel like I have run out of material.  I feel like I am forcing myself to dive in deeper into my soul, find something inspiring, find something worthwhile, find something life changing.  The truth is, I have nothing.  I am kind of glad I have nothing.  It makes me feel like my mind is not scattered trying to figure out the world.  It makes me feel like I am at peace.  It makes me feel like I am doing the right thing.  Maybe I am just taking a break from the whole soul searching thing?

I still have this overwhelming urge to travel.  There is an ongoing thought of exploring new avenues and living a nomadic life.  Luckily, I leave to Spain on Thursday.  Maybe this is part of the excitement level.

I am really happy today.  There is enough stress at work to destroy most people, but it is not getting to me.  I am just content and happy.  Living in the moment.

Sunday, May 12, 2013

Day 280 - Gratitude to the Start

This morning I went to a studio that was advertising Hot Ashtanga.  I am getting pretty picky on my yoga practice, and am loving the Ashtanga primary series.  I went into the class expecting to go through the primary series.  Unfortunately, it did not follow the series at all.  I was really looking forward to the primary series so I guess I was disappointed.  The class would have been good and fun any other day, but I really do not like when a class is called Ashtanga and then does not follow it. :(

The older I get the more I feel that everything happens for a reason.  I like to analyze things that happen in my life with the thought that both the good and the bad happen for a reason.  That we are responsible to find the balance to keep us on our path.  Some people disagree with this thought prossess, but what I do know is there was a start to my path.

I cannot prove my way of life, nor can I prove my beliefs in any religion.  What I do know is if everything happens for a reason there is a proven beginning.  That is what I am grateful for today.  My path started almost 38 years ago, and on this mothers day I have to show my deepest gratitude to my mom.  She was my beginning and also such a giant part of making me who I am today. 

So today I am grateful for my mother.  Thank you for everything mom :)

Saturday, May 11, 2013

Day 279 - Do not force anything on my day off

Today is my day off from yoga.
I am enjoying my day spending time with Marianne, painting, and relaxing.  My life is still filled with great positive vibes.  I have been sitting here trying to figure out a great topic today, but there is nothing coming to mind.  I am not in an overthinking mood, and I am also not in a very philosophical mind set.  I do not even have a good picture to post today.  I am realizing how much I force upon myself.

I think the best things come into my life when I do not try to force it.  I have days that I just am.  Maybe I am at a point where all my thoughts are just balanced.  Maybe I am at a new beginning.  Maybe I am about to go onto a new adventure in my life.  Or maybe I am just having a day where I have no ideas and it is just that simple.

Keep this mind in your yoga practice.  Do not force yourself into your posture.  Breathe and let it all fall into place.  Do not worry about how you used to look in your posture, just breath and let it fall into place. Do not think of where you want to go in your posture, just breathe and let it fall into place. 

I am going to keep this day off going and just relax and enjoy.

Friday, May 10, 2013

Dsy 278 - I love to travel

Today I went to Yin Yoga with Kristen Schneider at Full Circle Yoga.  The classes at Full Circle have been putting a pretty big smile on my face.  I am happy.

I still feel very much in touch with where I am.  I feel very free, and am continueing to have an outlook that the world is my backyard.  I want to explore it all.  I am bringing it to the forefront of my mind.  I do not know exactly what it is that I am looking for, but I feel the draw to travel around and experience as much as I can out there.

Have you ever had a change or something that is so new to you that you begin to get nervous.  You may start to fear it or have an increase in your anxiety.  You start to ask if this change is for the better.  You get to a point where you know it is good for you, but you have a feeling that you want to turn it around and go back to the old comfortable ways of things.

How much of this nervous, fearful, and anxious feeling do you allow to control your life.  When do you take the plunge?   What causes us to not fight though these feelings?  We can stop and hide from the fear, but then we start developing a fear of feeling this fear.

I do have a fear of traveling.  Not in the sense of where I am going, or what I am doing, but rather a feeling of I should be doing something else.  I fear not spending enough time with loved ones.  I fear loosing my dog while I am away  I fear not spending more time at work building up my company.  I have had this travel calling for my whole life.  I love to travel.

I am just now beginning to accept it in my life, but I also notice others building this fear.  They make me feel as if I am not supposed to travel.  I should be spending time doing other things.  I wonder what these people would have me do?

I really am over the "shoulds", and am at the point where I feel I have built a great, stable, and happy life for myself.  I did everything that I "should" do.  Now I am going to see more of the world.

Thursday, May 9, 2013

Day 277 - The world is unfolding

Today I went to Full Circle and took a Hot yoga class with Christine Northcote.

I really am in a good space right now.  Do you ever have the days where you feel you are exactly where you are supposed to be.  That everything that has happened to you in your life has brought you to this exact moment.  Where you can then sit in the moment and just smile.  Smile because you know that everything is in place, everything is inline, and everything is exactly the way it is supposed to be.  That was me today.

Do not get me wrong.  I have a ton of things I am working on or that I need to get done.  I was thinking on how there are so many great things that I am excited to do in life.  When I drop all of my "shoulds" that I am supposed to have in life, I start to unleash a lot of passion.

I have increased my passion for travel, and being around other people.  When I stop and live in the moment.  When I stop and listen to what my heart is telling me.  When I focus on feelings and not my analytic mind.  A clear path starts to unfold itself, and I feel grateful for being guided towards such wonderful things.
Life seems like an endless realm of possibility today.

Thank you world :)

Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Day 276 - I am really just me.

 Wow have I really written in this blog for 276 days straight?  I think I just realized that :)

I went to Full Circle today for a Yoga Flow Class with Christine Northcote.  I am really feeling good about things today.  There is so many good things happening in my life.  It is great to sometimes recognize and give gratitude to these things.

Reading the quote above I sometimes feel like I have a problem being happy for some of the things in my life.  I fear being seen as someone who brags or is putting myself above others.  For years I have downgraded who I am in order to make sure I do not sound conceited.   For years I have tried my best not to fit in. Eventually I did not even fit in with my true self.  I shied away from being labeled and when ever I was labeled I would run in the opposite direction to prove that I was something else.  I was so scared to be myself.

I am happy I am no longer like this.  I still do not brag about who I am.  I am working on telling people who I am.  Not what I do, where I live, or where I've been.  I am getting to a point where I am really just me :)

Life is good!

Have a great day / night.

Tuesday, May 7, 2013

Day 275 - Look Inside yourself and not the faults of others.

The honest truth is this blog is getting on my nerves.  There is a lot things that I have processed and gone through that now makes this blog seems like the reverse of where I am moving in my yoga.  One of the biggest lessons yoga has brought to me is to focus within and stop worrying and being effected by other's emotions, drama, and internal growth.  I can be there for my friends and family, but do not have to give up my thoughts, beliefs, and ideas in order to take care of theirs or others issues.  I am able to give back to people without giving up myself.

I have been venting quite a bit on this blog lately.  It is a great way to get thoughts our of my head.  It is an avenue to come clean with my faults and try to focus on improving them.  I find more and more people stop and show the faults of others instead of looking deep within.  They blame the outside world, they never apologize for mistakes, and take no responsibility for their actions.

I try to stay open and honest with my faults.  I am the first to admit my use to drugs and alchol.  I have no problem talking about the drugs I used or the alcohol I drank.  I am not different from many of you.  When I talk about the fact I no longer use these things to hide behind my true self, some people look at me as a poor soul who cannot control my use.  I stopped these things not because I was going to loose my job, girlfriend, or family.  I did it to improve myself.  I am proud of talking about this.  This was the beginning of finding out who I am.

I bring up drug and alchol use because I notice that people also hide behind other people's faults and drama.  It really is not much different then drug use.  If we constantly point out faults of others instead of ourselves we do not look inside who we are.  We are in the same way ignoring our true emotions and self.  At some point we need to stop and start trying to conquer our own fears, mistakes, and faults.  When we go to bed at night this is where our truth starts to come through our mind.  If you are scared to sleep alone start there.  If you need to drink, take sleeping aids, or need the t.v. on, start there.  We are constantly changing and trying to find our balance in our life, but we need to constantly check inside.

To update you on my diet, the last two weeks I only had one cup of coffee per week.  I am substituting it with tea for now.  I am currently drinking tea with caffeine in it, but that will change.  I feel as if I could stop drinking coffee today, but I am going to wait until I get back from Spain to make that final decision.

I still have not had chicken for who knows when.  I have not had meat since April 1st.  I was thinking of getting a cheeseburger tonight, but have decided to keep going on my current diet.  I do not have a lot of dairy / cheese in my diet (I used to drink one glass a milk every night).    I eat fish and eggs about 1 - 2 times a week.  I am realizing that yoga has helped put me on a good path.  It has caused me to focus inside and look to see things to improve.  There are things in my diet I would like to improve.  I would like to be able to say someday that I show compassion towards all living things and truly mean it.

I am wondering what will happen to this blog after day 365.  My rules of blogging may have to change.

Monday, May 6, 2013

Day 274 - Balance Selfish and Selfless

I returned back to the Yoga Shala for some more Mysore Ashtanga Yoga.

I have to admit that I have lived a lot of my life in a Co-dependant way.  I have dropped my own happiness in order to fulfill the happiness of others.  This has caused me to start to seclude myself from others in order to build up an internal happiness and not rely on the happiness found in the outside world.

The funny thing is when I started to build my internal happiness and when I felt more and more comfortable with myself I started to develop more people that want to take this comfort away.  I have started to pick up on these people.

The lessons that have been moving through my life is to find compassion inside others while keeping compassion inside of myself.  The balance between being selfish and selfless.

This subject seems to be coming up more and more as I write this blog.  It is because it is what is moving through me at the moment.  More to come.  Tonight I am going to be a bit selfish and cut this blog of early.  Good night.

Sunday, May 5, 2013

Day 273 - I like Mysore Ashtanga Yoga

Today I went to  Mysore Ashtanga Class at the Yoga Shala.  I am really enjoying Mysore yoga.  It is a great way for me to further my practice.  I feel like I have grown deeper in my practice through Mysore.  The Ashtanga yoga practice is one of my favorite types of yoga.  It is the one yoga lineage that has stuck with me throughout my whole yoga  life.  It is the type of yoga that I respect.

Today was a day where I was focusing on getting things done.  Things that I have been wanting to set up in the house, work, and art.  Planning new trips.  I did accomplish a lot today.  I had an extremely good focus, and was riding high today.  Life is good and I am feeling like I am on a great path.

Yoga is a great thing.  There are so many good points.  It is a drive towards the unknown. A theory of postures used to push the mind to the edge and at the same time find relaxation in the same posture.   We take our lessons we learn on our mat and take it off the mat.  Yoga to me is not 90 minutes a day.  It grows into 24 hours.  So for every 1 1/2 hour I actually practice on the mat, there is another 22 1/2 hours to practice off the mat.

We learn how to breath and handle ourselves at the edge and once again find a relaxed state.  We begin to learn the things that agitate our relaxation.  We learn the food and substances that also agitate this peace.  We find life's lessons start coming forward to teach us.  This all begins on the mat and continues to unfold the more open I become.

What I am trying to say...Yoga is really cool.

Saturday, May 4, 2013

Day 272 - Storms and Blue Skies

Today was my day off from yoga.  It is amazing how life can bring you rain when you are looking for sunshine.   Rain can bring on harsh storms that tear into your soul.  It can leave you scared and dazed.  If you look hard enough though, you can sit through the storm and watch it barrel through your life.  It starts to become beutiful.  You can then see these harsh storms as beauty passing through your life.  When the rain stops and the sky becomes blue again, life is that much sweeter.

I watched a storm pass through my life this week.  I sat as it grew upon itself, fed into itself, and sucked others into it.  I found peace as I knew the storm could not harm me.  I found love as others were there for me.  I found comfort in knowing who I am.

More storms will come, but it will make my blue skies that much brighter.

Friday, May 3, 2013

Day 271 - Hooked by an Energy Vampire

Today I took a Yin Yoga Class at Full Circle with Kristen Schneider.  I love Kristen's Yin classes, always been a big fan.  Today however I could not keep still.  I was very fidgety.  Towards the end of the class I did find a comfort zone when I was in my forward bend with a little adjustment from Kristen.  Sometimes it take awhile for me to get back into the zone.

I have noticed that I starting to release more and more in my chest, shoulders, and hamstrings.  It feels good to have the muscles relax, but I also feel some emotions release.

I try my best to live a drama free life.  I swear though that if I hid in a cave drama would find me.  Life puts you to the test and tries to drag you into these unnecessary dramas.  I was hooked today.  I have people in my life that live off of drama.  They thrive off the attention from others.  Over the last week I had someone throwing jabs at me trying to bring me into their drama filled world.  Yesterday she continued and did something that finally got a rise out of me.  I was suckered and fell into her trap.  When I complained about how I was treated it brought on a shit storm of drama.  Looking back I have learned I should have just continued to let her stay in her drama filled life and ignored the whole thing.

It is hard to stay focused in life when there are energy vampires looking to suck the life out of you.  The best advice I have learned today is just let them be.  This gets difficult when they are waiting at your door and following you around.  At one point I felt like I needed to stand up for myself.  At one point I felt like I needed to get rid of this person.  When I did try to fight back it just added more drama, and this is what the energy vampires feed off of.  In the end they win, because all it does is leave you drained and tired of the unnecessary drama.

In our life we always assume that we are the positive person and that others are negative around us.   We need to constantly look deep inside ourselves and ask ourselves how we can look at something in a different light or perspective.

I see people who think the world is against them.  They do not trust the world or think they are going to harmed in some way by others.  Jesus Christ could not even convince this person that they would bring no harm to them.  These people need to stop blaming the world and look deeper inside them self.  Stop, smell the roses, ask how you can help the world, and expect nothing in return.

Thursday, May 2, 2013

Day 270 - Diving back into yoga

Marianne and I woke up this morning for the sunrise.  It was still raining, but we went on the beach anyways.  Not everything in life goes as planned, but there is a positive beauty in every situation.   The rain clouds that were rolling in from the horizon and the giant waves gave me a reminder on how cool life can be.  The dogs of course had a great time on the beach.

I was glad I took a hookey day yesterday from yoga.  I am very determined with my practice and want to improve, but I also think it is very healthy to just drop my yoga routine every once in awhile and allow life to happen. 

Sometimes I feel like I dive so deeply into my heart, that when I jump up for air I need a moment to catch my breath before diving in again.  This is what I felt was happening yesterday.  I love the amount of time and practice I have put in.  I also love what I have learned from diving deep into my soul.

We got back to Orlando and took a Flow class with Christine Northcotte at Full Circle Yoga.  It was a great class to jump back in.   Full Circle Yoga and Christine was my first studio I went to in Orlando.  I had not taken her class for a long while, so it was great to go back to my Orlando roots.

I am very grateful for so many things.  I am grateful for yoga and the many lessons it has taught me.   I grateful for the the challenges we are given to balance in our life.  I am grateful for the people who have taught me lessons through both positive and negative experiences.  I am grateful for living life the best way I know how.  I am grateful for the many experiences and opportunities in front of me.  I am grateful for all of my family, friends, and of course my dog.  I am grateful for being able to sit and look inside to find out what it is I am grateful for.

What are you grateful for today?

Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Day 269 - Yoga in a small room

I am out at Flagler Beach with Marianne and our two dog.  The room is pretty small and Boomer the 1 year old puppy thinks being on the floor equals play time.  So I decided to take day 4.  I have taken 2 days off for being sick, 1 day for travel, but never a day because I just wanted to.  So I am practicing this today.

As you can see above doing yoga on the beach with two dogs is not easy, but it is a lot of fun to take the day off and have fun.  I am playing hookey and going to take a break from yoga and blogging today.

Switch things up today.  I will continue tomorrow.