What is Yoga 308

Life is a constant struggle of balancing our body on both a physical and emotional side. Through yoga I have learned several life lessons. Yoga 308 is a goal I set for myself to do at least 60 minutes of yoga for 6 days a week for the next year. I invite anyone to join me on this adventure as I blog about some of my daily experiences. This is not intended to show that I have found peace and tranquility, but rather give my honest feelings of my journey. Enjoy.

Monday, June 3, 2013

Day 303 - Looking and finding forgiveness in my heart

Today I went to an Ashtanga yoga class with Steve Rubin at Full Circle Yoga.

I have been blogging about bringing up and confronting the negative parts of my life.  I know ignoring these parts of my life will just fester inside of me and do more harm to my body and mind if not confronted.  Some pieces of my puzzle take longer then others.  2013 has been one of my most rewarding years, but I still have to accept that my life still festers on negative aspects.  These are not worries of my future or not enjoying my present.  They are built up from the past.

I have been dealing with forgiveness from my past.  Luckily, there is only about 2-5 people in this world that can throw my mind for a loop.  The thing is all these people stem off of each other.  There is a connection between all of them.  If I do not find forgiveness in these people chances are I will attract more of the same kind.  The problem is not found inside these people, but rather it is how I react towards these people.

The root of finding this forgiveness with these people is finding forgiveness in my marriage and my x-wife.  My first step was to find forgiveness in myself for ending a commitment that I thought was for life.  I then had to find forgiveness and acceptance in myself that I put myself in a harmful relationship.  I am working on forgiveness towards my x-wife.

I am what I am calling a real-world yogi.  I believe in a movement towards inner peace and enlightenment, but I am accetping that I am human and am not a constant peaceful being.  I am not here to pretend I am all peaceful being.  There was a lot of hatred in my heart from my marriage.  I am not going to sugar coat this.  I can be nice about it and say "I disagree,"  "I feel harmed," but the honest emotion is hatred.  At one point of the divorce process I had to stop talking to my "x." This was for my emotional health, but I had to figure out a way to work through my hatred and forgiveness without her.

As I worked through this hatred, more people with similar personalities of my "x" came creeping into my life.  The presence of these people would bring me back to my original emotions of hatred that existed in my marriage.  To me these are signs that I need to find forgiveness in my past, or it will repeat itself.   I do not allow the people with her similar personalty to be a part of my life.  They did however begin to allow me to find forgiveness through them.  I watch how there actions affectand cause pain towards others, but forgive them as a learning and growing being.  They do not need to be part of my life to help with forgiveness.  I have already learned these harmful lessons in my marriage and do not need to repeat them.

 This was the beginning of my forgiveness.  Am I ready to say I forgive my "x" wife.  Honestly...no.  If I said yes today it would be a lie.  It is in my practice, and in my heart.  The forgiveness is there, just not complete.  I have a lot of good people helping me with this.

After blogging about this I have to remind myself how grateful I am to be where I am today.  I am grateful to be out of that marriage, sober, around my family, my job, and my many adventures.  I am grateful to have met Marianne who has brought a lot of clarity in my life.  I am grateful to be back on my path.  I am grateful for my loving 10 year old black lab.  I am grateful to know that love is in my heart.  I am grateful for me.  These are words I say every day in my yoga practice.

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